Episodes

On this page you’ll find insights, tidbits, and fun facts about each episode of the show. These nuggets of information will give you a huge conversational edge whenever your friends or colleagues are discussing the intricacies of These Stories Are Not Real.*

*In order to fully capitalise on this edge, you’ll need to tell all of your friends and colleagues about the podcast. You scratch my back, etc, etc. This is a two-way street.

1

Danger, punks and brain magic clash at high altitude, leading to a waterslide catastrophe that only Billy Everest can fix. Listen here.

This first story began as an eight minute university assignment. Only one minute of that original story remains — can you guess which minute?

It was developed into its current form with the help of Helen Wolfenden, and a version appeared on FBi Radio’s All The Best, with thanks to Ryan Pemberton.

The character of Billy Everest was inspired by the staff at the Motherwell Aquatec — a very strange swimming pool in Scotland, replete with astonishingly bored employees and a hybrid whirlpool-waterslide abomination.

Fun fact: One of the four laughter sound effects is me. The rest are strangers from the Internet.

2

Herein lies an occasionally depraved, but largely whimsical first-person account of the gruesome murder of Kevin Cassidy. Listen here.

This episode began as a short story, and was written almost exactly three years before its release. Jeez. Uhh. I’ve been very busy.

I did actually enrol in a beginner’s watercolour course at my local community college, but it didn’t really go ahead due to low numbers. I also didn’t kill anyone. Obviously.

It’s the first of two first-person episodes, which always make me kind of, well, hate myself. There is a paragraph that I did more than fifty takes of. And I still cringe every time.

Fun fact: One of the lines in this story was blatantly stolen from Malcolm in the Middle. Can you identify it? And more importantly, can you prove I stole it in a court of law? That’s what I thought.

3

Risky Rosie Nutcase teaches herself to fly. It’s not so crazy. People teach themselves to swim, don’t they? Listen here

This episode also began as a short story, and was subbed into this first season when the original episode three (about juggling robots) sucked. It was so bad you guys. Just really, really awful. But I like Rosie though. 

It features the theme song from Monty Python’s Flying Circus, which I congratulated myself about a lot in the production process (and now I guess in public). 

Fun fact: There are three different versions of Ave Maria layered into this story, and yet Nelly Furtado features only once. A travesty. 

4

Brian is, well, he’s a chump. This is his first-person account of being swindled by a travel agent in a regional town. Listen here

I’ve never been to any of the places listed in this episode and so therefore it must be a work of fiction and I’ve NEVER been tricked by a travel agent into going on a holiday I can’t afford and you can’t prove that I have. 

The original working title for this story was ‘Please Don’t Sue Me Beach Boys’. Which I stand by. 

Fun Fact: This is without question my favourite episode, even though technical difficulties means it features crappy narration from 2018 (I’ve been really busy). 

5

The Astronaut Adrift undergoes four strange stages of personal grief before his final death. Funner than it sounds. Listen here

This story was made for a uni assignment (for the second semester of 2018… I’ve been just so unbelievably busy). The mark it received was what we might call, ‘Not Good’ (an industry term). Maybe because it was twenty-five minutes long and was really terrible. But I fixed it. Kinda.

I hate the name Daniel Sky but didn’t realise I hated it until the fourth draft, when it was too hard to change. So if anyone asks, I love the name Daniel Sky.

Fun Fact: The sound effects remain exactly the same from the original uni assignment, despite the marking feedback of ‘Chewbacca SFX jars. Should remove.’ They wouldn’t know genius if it punched them in the ears. 

6

Take the Money is a self-involved and convoluted Season Finale, featuring a bag of money and some very external internal conflict. Listen here!

This story has the weirdest origins, probably too long to get into here, but basically it all started in a pair of muddy Japanese crocs, listening to the song that plays at the end, ‘Loyal’ by Odesza. 

Every cloud shape/symbol in this story is an actual cloud I have seen in real life. 

Sometimes I play that ‘Yes’ voice section to trick/motivate/force myself to go to the gym. Is that weird? Seems weird. Actually, please don’t tell anyone that tidbit, it’s embarrassing.

Fun fact: I don’t actually like halloumi. I just put that line in to please the (disgusting) masses (i.e. you).  


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Oh and here’s the Instagram feed btw. Look at this baby. Hot damn.